Like most citizens, I’ve watched and listened, first with amazement and then disgust as MP after MP has righteously defended their feeding frenzy at the public’s expense. Ordinary citizen’s are losing their jobs, cutting back expenditure and generally adapting to the new reality of an economy deep in recession.
Meanwhile, MPs are demonstrating their lofty detachment from reality by continuing to proffer lame excuses for their behaviour, even in the face of unprecedented public anger.
The guide below lists the Top 10 most useless excuses I’ve heard to date and their translation. If I’ve missed any, please do leave a comment and I will update the list:
1. My expenses are entirely within the rules or, (variant) I haven’t done anything wrong.
Translation: I’ll try the straight denial first, I might just get away with that. If I’m caught out I’ll go to excuse number 3 or, 4
2. It’s the system which is at the root of these problems.
Translation: Not me guv! If we didn’t have all those rules laid out in The Green Book guide to MPs Expense Claims life would be so much easier for me and so much more difficult for you to pin the blame on me!
3. I checked it with the Fees Office first before I submitted the claim.
Translation: I did, yes I really did but, I didn’t tell them all the relevant details.
4. It’s obviously a reasonable claim because the Fees Office approved it.
Translation: You see it’s not my responsibility to check whether my claim is consistent with the The Green Book guide to MPs Expense Claims it’s the responsibility of the Fees Office. I just submit any old claim and see if they can catch me out!
5. I was very busy at the time I submitted that particular claim (The Jack Straw Defence)
OK you caught me out on this one but, I was really, really, really busy that day & I couldn’t possibly have claimed my expenses at any other time.
6. I had a memory lapse (The Eric Morley Defence – Mark 1)
Oh dear you really have caught me bang to rights & I can’t think of anything else to say.
7. Yes, in retrospect that claim for a (insert specific here) does look inappropriate and I’m really, really sorry.
Oh dear you have caught me bang to rights but why pick on me? Its not fair, I’m not the only one to claim for this.
8 Yes, in retrospect that claim for a (insert specific here) does look inappropriate, I’m really, really sorry and I’m paying it back.
Oh dear you really have caught me bang to rights. Hopefully if I pay this claim back they won’t dig into my other expense claims.
9. I’m speechless (The Eric Morley Defence – Mark 2)
Shit, shit, shit, this is really serious I’d better go into hiding!
10. I’m just back from being treated for a mental breakdown (Probable Eric Morley Defence – Mark 3)
I just haven’t been myself and the last 2 -3 years are just a blank, what’s my name again?
1 response so far ↓
Tio // May 16, 2009 at 11:02 pm |
MPs’ expenses – A note of appreciation to all taxpayers