Leatherhead Matters

Human Chemistry

September 1, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don’t even go there!)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

 

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by dousing with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

H/T J.M.

Categories: Humour · Men · Women
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Bin Plastic Bags

September 1, 2008 · Leave a Comment

The Government are frantically searching around for populist ideas, which don’t cost too much, in order to shore up their shaky position with the electorate.

Polluted fields caused by strong winds near the dumping ground in Entressen

Why don’t they ban plastic bags & encourage everyone to carry canvas bags? It’s happened already in several countries including China. Over 3 billion plastic bags are given away every years in the UK.

See the case for banning plastic bags at Pocono Green

Categories: Environment · Gordon Brown · Politics
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